Today is the first day in two weeks that I have actually wanted to DO anything.  It has rained almost every day for weeks and there hasn't been even a hint of sunshine around here.

UNTIL today and yesterday!  Finally, I feel like I have enough energy to stay awake long enough to get some things done.  I bought a condo about 2 months ago and still need to do sooooo much to it.

I hadn't even hung a single picture!  That's when you know you live somewhere ~ when you put pictures on the wall.  And I have lots of them.  So now I live here.  I even hung some curtains.  Still a long ways to go, but at least it looks like I'm doing something to it.

My pdoc says it's S.A.D.  ~ seasonally affective disorder.  YEP, it really does exist.  About a year ago he insisted I buy a light that would come on bright enough to 'mimic' natural light in the mornings.  I have a really hard time getting up which I think is from the Seroquel.  Can't sleep without it, can't wake up with it.  Catch 22, like everything in this crazy life.  Anyway, how it works is this:  the light starts coming on 30 minutes prior to your alarm ~ slowly waking you up the way your body is naturally designed for.  The music / noise (I have the chirping birds) starts out very low and slowly increases over 2 minutes and that is when it's time to get up.  The light can be adjusted to as dim or bright as you want it to be.  I have to have it on 20 (the highest) but before it gets to that point I am usually already awake!

As with so many things, I hadn't programmed it since moving and was just using my cell phone as my alarm.  That is a big difference to wake up to.  You hit the snooze, then hit it again... and again... again.... You get it.  It was on the pricy side (@ $100? online), but worth every cent.  My only regret?  I didn't do it sooner ~ when the doc first started telling me to do it.

So if you are in the position of having a hard time getting up, give it a try.  I think you can return them if it doesn't work!  I opted to have the radio with it, but it's a little cheaper if you just have the alarm.  Here's the link to the one I have:

Philips Hf3470 Wake-up Light, White

Guess what?  It's only $75 now!  A steal at that price.  Now I am going to bed so I can wake up tomorrow.  It helps you wake up, but a lack of sleep isn't going to make the day any easier!

So today I am trying to keep my mouth shut (HA! good luck with that) and decide if a 'friendship' is worth saving.  We worked together for 3 years and she only knows that I am bipolar.  However, I am beginning to think someone (dipshit manager) has told her about the disability.

Several times she has made the comment "I don't think your bipolar, you just want attention."  WTH???   I've never said anything because I am embarrassed that my benefits check is more than she makes working full time (or very close to it).  That's a conversation I never want to have with someone.  So, I am mentally going to my 'happy place' today and not responding to the message.  Facebook chat, oh the things people say.

Anywhere near the water is a happy place.  Did you know nature calms you?  That's a wee bit of information I learned in design school.  Anyway, when I was manic and working full time, I travelled a LOT!  This was taken from the resort in Puerto Vallarta Mexico.  Discount travel sites can get you anywhere!  And that's where I went ~ wherever had the best price.

I digress ~ often ~ it is unlikely I will ever go back to work for this company and she lives on the faaaaaar other side of town, so I will never run into her, so is it worth saving?  It's not like we were good 'friends'.  Really more of just co-workers.  We went to lunch, sometimes dinner and a movie now and then.  The only thing we really have in common is CRAFTING!  But I really do like two of the other employees and have gone a couple of times to have lunch with them.  And birthday celebrations.  Hmmmm... I'll have to obsess over this one a little longer.

Ooops ~ where does time go?  I swear it was only noon a few minutes ago.  I'm off to the post office to ship some clothes I sold on ebay.  Since I have a little 'free' time I think I will try my hand at selling some stuff and see what happens.  If you google it or youtube for vid's there are a lot of people making some money selling!  The hard part is to get motivated enough to list everything.  I don't mind shopping the thrift stores to find it ~ which is why every corner in my craft room is pack HIGH!!

"HI!"  This blog is not about a diary although there will be day's it may seem like one!  I hope to capture some of the highs and lows of living life with BIPOLAR!

It can be a lot of fun when you are on the HIGH side (mania) and not so much fun when you are on the LOW side (depression).  Most people tend to gravitate towards one end of the scale but experience the somewhere in-between as well.

Here you will hear a LOT about the medications, doctors and therapy that I have tried, hated, vomited and those that have actually seemed to help!   Still hate them, but I have accepted they are a neccessary evil.

My personal history has always been on the side of mania ~ and WOW can that be a lot of fun!  Until the credit card bills come in... the pink slip at work... the people who walk out of your life (and some that you pushed) and then the reality hits home.  Reality sucks.  :-)

I will even talk about the subjects that are TOP SECRET in my life.  My immediate family and ONE of my closest friends knows that I have been put on disability.  I find it humiliating but again, have accepted it as a neccessity for now.  Trust is not something I do very easily because I have been hurt by those I trusted most.  Unfortunately, I believe some of that is the illness ~ you trust the wrong people because you have put yourself in the wrong situation.  Yeeaaah... there's been LOTS of that.

There is sooooo much that I want to write about and hope you will all enjoy it and even join in when you can!  It's not all bad!  Well I am off to take my nightly concoction of antipsychotics (blech) and get into bed before midnight!  My doctor has been yelling at me for years about the 'importance of regular sleep'.  Go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time EVERY DAY.   Hmm... yeah, we'll just say that I do.

Goodnight my peeps and see you tomorrow!